Kids are choking themselves and each other in order to get high. This practice is often fatal. According to the Center for Disease Control, over eighty children have died from choking or being choked for sport. When you choke or get choked, the air in the brain is depleted. This airless-brain scenario produces a feeling of euphoria followed by blacking out and possibly death.
Researchers are blaming the internet for the increase in choking deaths, because the internet has information on how to choke yourself and others.
What? Who are these kids who don't know how to choke themselves? They can't be smarter than the kids who do choke themselves. I mean, if you Google choking, every website that comes up is pretty much about how to stop choking or how to prevent choking.
These kids need hobbies. I suggest Magic the Gathering for the socially awkward and political backstabbing and heartless social climbing for the popular. For those in the middle, I recommend swing dance classes.
Maybe there should be an anti-choking mascot who goes from school to school. He would be a frogman (scuba man) who wears a snorkel on his face. He would demonstrate how you can choke to death by filling his snorkel with creams and trying to breathe. Then he would ask for a volunteer, maybe a plant in the audience, because you wouldn't want a kid to try it and inadvertently get hooked on choking, and the plant would come on stage and say, "I can't breathe while wearing this snorkel filled with creams."
Or we can make it illegal for minors to own necks.
Yeah, that's the ticket.
Anyways, if you don't know the Heimlich Maneuver you should learn it. An Emergency Medicine Physician can teach you that maneuver, I'm sure of it.
Find a doctor nearby.
