Doctors between the ages of 50 and 65, bitter and miserly, sitting on a porch swing, mulling over regrets, sighing deeply as the sun sets on the last autumnal days of their lives, are phasing out of the medical business in droves.
A survey shows that nearly half the doctors in that age group plan to phase out their practices within one to three years. The survey company, Merritt Hawkins and Associates, suggests that physicians are not happy with changes that have taken place in society and in medicine.
Nearly seventy percent of the old doctors claimed that this new batch of fresh-faced, up-and-coming doctors are lazier than the previous generation.
"They lazy," said a wizened doctor. His voice was faint. When he spoke, the muscles in his face tightened and his ancient orifice creaked open like a crypt. My heart raced as his rheumy eyes locked onto mine. His eyelids looked like wrinkled shutters. We stared, trying to glimpse each other's souls. Our wills were locked in a tremulous battle. Then he fell asleep.
Almost half of the doctors polled would not choose medicine if they were starting their careers today. This goes to show that job usefulness, being paid well, social and familial praise are nothing in the face of late-onset bitterness.
"In my day," said one doctor. "We'd put cold cooking foil on our foreheads to relieve a headache. We'd put a trout in our trousers to protect against scarlet fever and to relieve rubella, we'd celebrate Christmas in July."
Why can't old people and young people get along? Ever see that movie where a young person befriends an old person and everyone's life becomes better? I didn't. But I heard about it, and the people that told me about that it was worth seeing, but I should wait until it comes out on VHS. So you can tell how long ago that discussion was. Yet, the moral of the story remains true. Whether on DVD or VHS, people need to realize that no one is too young or too old for love.
To get old people help, see a geriatrician. To get young people help, see a pediatrician. To get regular people help, see an internist. For all other doctors, click here.
