JOSH'S CONDITIONS & TREATMENTS BLOG

Got Listeria?

A Listeria outbreak that killed three elderly men was linked to the Whittier Farms Milk Plant in Massachusetts.  No one knows how the milk became contaminated. One theory is that the plant became compromised during a routine cleaning. Some blame Castro, some the mafia, others LBJ. The Warren Commission insists that Listeria acted alone.

The plant will remain closed until the bacteria is wiped out. 

Listeria is spread by ruminants and their byproducts. (Mammals that digest their food before they digest their food like goats and cows and llamas.) So, the next time your thinking about drinking milk straight from a wildebeest, stop and think about the risk that you're taking.

The symptoms of Listeria include:

• Fever
• Headache
• Stiffness
• Yak Breath
• Nausea
• Cramps
• Listeria Mustache
• Diarrhea

Most people who are hardy and strong can live through a bout of Listeria and continue their career as a lumberjack, but it severely affects the elderly and those with compromised immune systems. There are 500 Listeria-related deaths per year.  It can also cause pregnant women to miscarry.

A Gastroenterologist is your best bet when dealing with food poisoning. Find one near you!

Et Tu, Turkey?

Turkey, the food, when prepared right can be one of the prettiest meals around, but any way you slice it, (pun intended) turkey, the food, is just well-preserved carrion.

1. Is there a difference between frozen and unfrozen turkeys?

There is no significant difference between a fresh turkey and frozen turkey, besides temperature.

But, You could throw a frozen turkey through a windshield if you really wanted to. An unfrozen one would bounce off or maybe splatter. I don't know. I'm not a scientist.

Live turkeys are probably the warmest form of the bird that you can buy, what with their four-chambered hearts which allow the turkeys to maintain thermal homeostasis. Live turkeys, however, involve the most preparation, unless you're prepared to bite into it like a mangy coyote.

2. What type of turkey should you buy? How can you be assured that your fowl isn't foul?

Bon Appetit Magazine reccomends the Fresh Heritage Turkey, Cross-Breed Turkeys and and Quality Supermarket Turkeys. The magazine says to stay away from Wild Turkeys, Self-Basting Turkeys and Free Turkeys. Turkeys found in old refrigerators, beneath couch cushions and adrift at sea should also be evaded.   

3. How can food poisoning be avoided?

Thanksgivers need to be careful with their raw-meat supplies. Wash your hands after you prepare the bird and use a separate knife to cut the vegetables and pies. This can save you from brushes with E Coli, Salmonella and other forms of food poisoning.  Cooking the food is also a good idea.

4. What are the symptoms of food poisoning?

Food poisoning can cause nausea, diarrhea, bellyache, headache, low-grade fever and can last for up to three days. If food poisoning is contracted, the poisoned party should seek their local internist, family physician or gastroenterologist.

5. What are the symptoms of a bad chef?

• Turkey tastes like tire swing
• Cranberry sauce by Penzoil
• Part of pie reserved for cigarette butts
• Turkey stuffed with loose change

To find local medical services near you, click here.