Based on a true story.
So, there was this kid. He was from San Jose, and he ate a couple magnets.
The kid was all like, "Mom, I ate magnets."
"You stupid," said the mother. "They aren't food. I have potatoes a'boil on the stove."
"Doy," said the kid. "I think magnets are potatoes sometimes."
"S'okay," Said mom. "That's why you go to school. They will teach you that things are different from other things. Tell you what. If your appetite is not spoiled. You can have potatoes still."
She set the table. The kid bounded to his little red booster seat behind his Count Von Count place mat. The mother put potatoes and utensils for potato maneuvering on the table. It was good.
"We eat," she said.
"Okay," said kid.
They laughed while they guided the potatoes into their cheerful maws.
"Yum," they said together like no one does.
"My stomach hurts!" said kid after dinner.
" I think it's the flu or magnets," said mother.
They hopped in their car and whizzed to the doctor's office. They got X-rays.
"Someone put magnets in your boy!" said the doctor.
"He ate magnets!" said Mom.
"Magnets aren't food." said doc.
"He knows now, but he's still learning."
"They looked like potatoes. My brain is not fully formed yet. That's why I'm not allowed to vote!" shouted the boy.
"Oh, I see. That's why he is smaller than regular people. He's still larval." said the doctor. "Well, here is your X-ray."
"As you can see," continued the doctor. "This boy ate two magnets, and one magnet is one part of the intestines and the other magnet is in another part. Together, they tug upon each other using a force called magnetism."
"What's magnetism," asked the mother.
"It's a form of magic that scientists use," said doctor.
"How can my boy be free of this mojo?"
"Minimally Invasive Laparoscopic Surgery!" said doc.
"Sound Boring," said mother.
"It is!"
They removed the magnets and the boy lived happily ever after until he could vote and be unhappy about the results of that.
Anyways, the fun toys were pulled off the market, because the more fun the toy the more the kids want to eat it.
There was only one death by magnet ingestion death ever, according to the Consumer Product Safety Commission. There were, however, nineteen magnet removal surgeries performed. The CPSC will continue looking for things that are slightly dangerous and ban them.
If you eat magnets. better find a surgeon- near you.
