JOSH'S CONDITIONS & TREATMENTS BLOG

He Wears His Kidney on His Sleeve

Dr. Victor Gura, a Los Angeles-based Nephrologist/Internist, has invented a wearable artificial kidney. The artificial kidney is worn like a belt and it resembles Batman's utility belt. And like the Batman belt, the kidney also comes with shark repellent.

Doctors recommend, however, that those who suffer from end-stage kidney failure should not fight crime. Vigilantism is against the law.

The belt works like a dialysis machine, but it cleans the blood slower. This slow rate is a benefit because the the speed at which dialysis cleans the blood causes discomfort because the body has to rapidly adapt. The belt reduces that discomfort.

Another obvious benefit of the belt is mobility. Regular dialysis must be done three to four times a week. Each session takes three to four hours. A person could spend that time in line at the post office or at fashion show, modeling belts.

There are 400,000 in the US alone who use dialysis.  If this belt makes it out of clinical trials there will be much rejoicing.

To find local medical services click here.

Here are some medical inventions that didn't make it:

1. Artificial Stomach Ache - This invention gave the user an artificial stomach ache. It was so much like a real stomach ache that users complained of stomach ache.

2. The Aroma Coma - This  invention allowed coma victims to choose the smell of their coma. It came in two flavors: Grape and new car. This invention was disrespectful and stupid.

3. Defibrillator/Pez Dispenser - This defibrillator looked like Popeye the Sailor Man, dispensed Pez and was used to revive heart attack victims.The victims, while clinically dead, would often dream of meeting Popeye at the pearly gates. This disturbed people immensely.

 

 

The Hair of the Dog

A poisoned Italian man turned up at a hospital in Brisbane, Australia. He had ingested a large quantity of ethylene glycol.  Drinking ethylene glycol causes depression, labored breathing, heart palpitations, renal failure, brain damage and death.  It is also one of the active ingredients in antifreeze. 

If you don't know what antifreeze is, find your nearest 81' Pontiac Grand Prix. There will be a puddle of it underneath the engine. Trust me.

Antifreeze is full of alcohol and alcohol-like chemicals, and people will drink it to get drunk. There are over 3,400 cases of human ethylene-glycol poisoning a year. Nearly 80% percent of those cases are full-grown adults who know what they are drinking.

I'm sure that every now and then some redneck sets down his Mason jar full of electric-green Kool-Aid next to the Mason jar where he keeps his antifreeze. Then the old switcharoo occurs and Billy Joe Bob Jim Jack Joe Bob Bill Clampett, Jr. has to hightail it to the emergency room. Most of the cases are not as innocent as mislabeled jars.

The cure for antifreeze poisoning is alcohol. (It''s like treating diabetes with Charleston Chews.) It inhibits the toxicity of the ethylene glycol. 

When Australian paramedics brought the Italian man to the hospital, they hooked him up and started dripping medical-grade alcohol into his veins. The hospital was low on their supply of alcohol and quickly ran out.

Apparently, the Italian man had been at the hospital before he found the antifreeze.

The Australian doctors had to go to the store and buy a case of vodka. They dripped about three drinks an hour into the man's veins. They had to keep the poor guy drunk to keep him alive. That will teach him.

If you're thinking about drinking antifreeze, let a nephrologist talk you out of it. Actually, any doctor you talk to will tell you it's a foolish thing to do. Click here.