JOSH'S CONDITIONS & TREATMENTS BLOG

Getting Some

Americans, lusty and amorous, have contracted enough chlamydia to set an all-time high. Some million-plus cases were reported this year. Cases of chlamydia, syphilis and gonorrhea have increased steadily for the  second year in a row. Cases of macking and playing have also increased.

Chlamydia can be treated with antibiotics. If it is left untreated, it can cause infertility and pelvic inflammation in women. In men, it leads to an unpleasant experience with a cotton swab, followed by a loud cry, some antibiotics and a lollipop.

Young women, aged 15-19, are most likely to contract Chlamydia what with their darn Britney Spears albums and miniature skirts.

Doctors are saying that condoms might be a good idea. Although, they are not saying it at the height of passion, but rather, from behind desks, in air-conditioned offices, surrounded by the smell of sterilizing agents and the faint groans of sick people.

If this blog can't convince you to practice safe sex, try this link.

An OB/GYN, Internist or Family Physician can lend a hand with the clap. Local medical services can be found here.

"Love" Hormone Forces Mothers to Love

A mammalian hormone known as oxytocin may be the reason why your mother loves you.  The hormone causes female mammals to bond with their young.  When tested in voles, those voles that had low levels of oxytocin were negligent when it came to rearing their offspring.

Our mothers may not have loved us without the help of this hormone.

Before our mother's got pregnant, our mothers drank heavily, smoked two packs of Salem menthols a day and were out at all hours of the night. They also cursed openly and rejected the status quo.

Our mothers are, however, saints.

Then BAM! Before they the knew it, they were pregnant, and their bodies started pumping out this oxytocin like gangbusters. Eventually, Our mothers were forced to love us and, in doing so, were forced lead a life of quiet desperation.

"Our lives used to be about something," said our mothers. "We had always wanted to backpack across Europe. Now, we are chemically compelled to care for our children, although rationally, we'd rather be living our own lives," they added.

The children of mothers issued a press release, stating that they will not be looking for a cure for oxytocin. They also asked if they could do laundry at the house and if the mothers had any extra cash on hand.

An obstetrician is the doctor that cares for pregnant women. A neonatologist is a doctor who specializes in newborn care. A pediatrician is a type of doctor who helps kids. A family physician is what every mother hopes that their child will grow into.

All other doctors can be found here.