JOSH'S CONDITIONS & TREATMENTS BLOG

You'll Poke Your Eye Out

Ophthalmologists are worried that you may poke your eyes out this holiday season, but they only nag because they care. 

"Christmastime is especially treacherous for the eyes,' said Eyeballs the Beholder, the American Academy of Ophthalmologists' Mascot. "Toys today have so many sharp pieces that can jab or poke into your tender, tender eye tissue."

In fact, There are over two-hundred thousand toy-related injuries in the United States per year. 6,000 of those injuries are eye injuries sustained to those under the age of 15.

Many of these injuries are caused by bee bee guns, darts and paddle balls. Parents are also warned about this new toy called The Eye Jabber. The Eye Jabber is a ten-inch metal spike, and it it has the words INSERT INTO EYES QUICKLY (DON'T) written on the side.

Besides the Eye Jabber and other pokey, stabby toys, ophthalmologists  tell folks to "Look Out" for other sharp things that may be present at Christmastime:

• Pine Needles
• Broken Ornaments
• The Wit of an Oscar Wilde Book
• That Sword You Bought At The Weird Store at the Mall For Your Thirty-Year-Old Son Who Still Lives in Your Basement and Knows What a Beholder Is.
• Icicles
  
• Knives with Pictures of Kittens on the Handles
• Ski Poles
• Melon Baller
• Shard of Peanut Brittle
• The Fist of An Angry Relative

If your eye hurts, you should see an ophthalmologist. Find an eye doctor here.

The Oglers!

Recently, science has proven that is acceptable for men to ogle women. Science says that women should go easy on Science if she catches Science ogling some girl at the Santa Monica Pier. Science claims that it was only woolgathering. Science promises to take out the trash after it gets home from work.

According to the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, it is an inevitability that men will have their eyes caught by a pretty face. It is just as inevitable that women will focus on a hunky guy. If men paid more attention to their girlfriends, maybe they would have noticed.

These Ogleologists found that people's eyes were drawn to attractive members of the opposite sex. It's how the species propagated in the early days before Match.com. The researchers also pointed out that the wandering-eye behavior can be trained away.

"Human civilization wasn't built on being respectful and nice," said a researcher. "It was built by jerks who took whatever they wanted when they wanted it. Those jerks were the strongest, claimed to have the support of a moon deity and had the most children and followers. Luckily, modern man has moved past that, but those traits our still within our DNA."

Science has concluded that it is acceptable to look. People need to be discreet about it. Don't hurt feelings. Don't be creepy. Wear sunglasses often.

Morality still dictates that is not acceptable to cheat. Being a part of a relationship is like being a member of a society. You have a social contract. If the agreement is monogamy, then that should be the rule of the land. If a member of the relationship commits adultery, then that person should be impeached. If a person is in a weird sex-cult, would that person please email me with more information?

If you have a wandering eye, you may want to see an Ophthalmologist. For relationship  problems, talk to a Psychiatrist. To find local medical services click, here.