JOSH'S CONDITIONS & TREATMENTS BLOG

Antidepressants may be Anti-Doing-Something

Antidepressants may not actually do anything for the average or even severely depressed person. They still work for the extremely depressed, however.

Researchers found that placebos worked just as well as most prescription antidepressants. There are over 115 million people on antidepressants in the United States and most of them, as of now, are taking medications that help as much as a sugar pill.

The rushed US healthcare system is being blamed for the over-prescribing of these pills. Primary care physicians might feel compelled to make snap judgments in order to deal with the overwhelming flow of patients. 

Many of these drugs are also prescribed for other ailments, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder and panic disorder.  Do the drugs work better as a placebo in these incidents? 

Doctors recommend old-school couch therapy to cure mild depression. You know, the kind where you talk about your parents and that dream where you're a Dutch pelican.

Doctors also recommend exercise. Cause, you might as well be buff and depressed. Just don't slip in your tears while you're doing push ups.

Personally, I get a kick out of existential angst.

Whenever I'm sad, I think about a girl who has always wanted a pony. For her whole childhood, this girl wants a pony. She grows up, drops out of college, gets pregnant very young and ends up working at the Safeway until she dies from smoking Laramies.  She never stops wanting a pony, which, in all fairness, isn't the hardest thing to obtain in the entire scope of obtainable things in the world. She never gets her pony, but she lived each day and never complained.

This makes me happy, because I think that even if I wanted a pony, and that pony seemed like it was completely unobtainable, I'd at least be able to eke out a three-legged donkey despite the impossible odds. It isn't a pony, but it is a pathetically tri-hoofed mammal, a beacon of my spiteful victory over the bleakness of the cosmos.

I hope that makes sense.

If you are depressed, see a psychiatrist.

Find local doctors near you.

Wrestling Fanaticism

Professional wrestling may be fake, but its influence on its teenage fans is definitely real. Teenage fans, aged 16-20, take more health risks then kids who watch that show where all the teenage characters whine for about forty minutes even though they are all attractive and come from opulent families.

In fact, these pro-wrestling fans were more likely be violent, have unprotected sex and smoke. If these "wrasslin" fans increased their viewership, the chances that they'd hurt someone with a weapon would increase by 19%, chances of having an argument would shoot up 16% and the chances of having unprotected sex would increase by 13%.

Apparently, watching a guy get hit on the head with a chair by a man named The Junkyard Dog is an aphrodisiac to some people.

My favorite pro-wrestler is Starman because of his flip-kick attack.

"Wrestling, to me, is a metaphor. Every struggle, whether it be man against man, man against nature or man against his inner demons, is played out in convention centers across the nation. Being hit by a chair from behind is like getting a parking ticket," said one teenage fan. "I watch these shows because I love life, because I know that I am mortal and could die at anytime, I try to live on the edge like my heroes, The Undertaker, Jake "The Snake" Roberts and "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan. I don't wrestle, go on adventures, test my physical endurance or mental fortitude; I don't grapple opponents in a test of both body and will. I don't boast like the mighty Ulysses, 'that I will lay my hands about you and knock out your teeth like so many boar's tusks'  or exercise. Mostly, I watch TV, but that, my friend, is still pretty edgy."

If you get hit in the head with a chair or, possibly, piledriven into a mat, you might want to see an orthopedic surgeon. If you experience violent tendencies after watching wrestling, see a psychiatrist.

Find a doctor near you.

 

Pity for the Cranky Ones

Each of us, as mortal beings, are in one way or another heading blithely towards our doom, but the cranky, the crabby, the grouchy, the cantankerous and the ornery seem to get their faster. They take the surly express.

Cheeful, well-adjusted people reported fewer health problems than relentless squabblers. These squabblers lead desperate, spiteful existences living in drafty attics and dank basements gazing at others with horrible, spiteful envy through floorboards, their wretched teeth gnashing, knurled and white knuckles tearing at their hair, beating their breasts; a scornful croaking escapes their throats—a sound so horrible but so disgustingly human that it stirs something in all of us, making us want to bury it deep within the recesses of our consciousnesses— and when we see their sunken eyes, their coyote gauntness and their scarecrow demeanors, a gasp escapes our lips and "there but for the grace of God go I," is said in hushed prayer-like voices, before we cry a little into our gloves.

666 people took part in this study, a study apparently funded by Metallica. The study was a survey that compared the interpersonal interactions of older adults against their own views of their own health. Cranky people tended to say that they were more unhealthy then cheerful people. 

Maybe the cranky people were just being cranky and the cheerful people were just being cheerful. It almost seems like this research is just a bunch of tautologies.  Did this study actually find something out? 

"The findings don't prove a cause-and-effect relationship between social life and health,"said study lead author Jason T. Newsom, associate professor at the Portland State University School of Community Health in Oregon.

So. Nope.

A psychiatrist can help with those interpersonal relationships. Find other doctors near you.

Smoke'em If you Have to Live

Chantix, the stop-smoking aid, has some serious side effects. It causes aggravation, depression and possibly suicide.  The side effects of nicotine withdrawal are aggravation, depression and possibly suicide.

The irony drips off this situation like a thick, rich syrup slathered on mounds of fluffy, brown pancakes. Not only are the side effects of the cure the same as the disease, but a product used to improve health and help people to live a less self-destructive life may lead to self destruction.

The FDA reported nearly 500 cases of suicidal behavior linked to Chantix and 39 users have committed suicide. 

The FDA approved Chantix back in May 2006. Chantrix stops the nicotine craving by blocking the areas of the brain affected by nicotine withdrawal. It also, apparently, blocks all hope. Now the FDA is calling for a bigger warning on the product and wants doctors to alert patients who are prescribed the drug. The patients are supposed to notify their doctors if their behavior becomes unusual.

When you quit smoking all your behavior becomes unusual. When you take a break at work, you no longer know what to do. Your whole routine changes. Your brain has been hardwired to the cigarettes. How can you take a drug during  a period of life that is going to feel totally unnatural and be able to gage whether you are normal or not? 

Try chewing gum. It doesn't help a whole lot, but those little comics that come with Bazooka Joe Gum won't cause suicidal thoughts. Unless, you think those jokes are awful, and they kind of are.

Family Physicians can help with smoking cessation. Psychiatrists can help with suicidal thoughts. All other doctors can be found here.
 

Autism and Vaccines: The Link is Unlinkening

Autism rates have been increasing. Many people thought that mercury-based vaccination shots are to blame, but that argument has lost a leg.

The rise in autism had been blamed on thimerosal, a compound found inside vaccinations. Children would get vaccinated and it was believed that the shot's ingredients would cause autism.  Medical facilities stopped using thimerosal back in '04, but autism rates continue to rise.

Doctors are now looking for a genetic link in order to understand the causes of autism.

One in every 150 kids has autism. The doctors are unsure whether this is really a spike in autism cases or if autism is just easier to diagnosis in these modern times.

Autism is a Neurological Disorder. Symptoms of Autism include:

• Speech Problems
• Difficulty Relating to People
• Learning Problems

There is no cure for Autism, but it can be treated by a neurologist, pediatrician, a family physician or a  psychiatrist.  Find them here.

And now this:

"I was sure it was the Autism Dogs what spread autism," said a man near the railroad station.

"What are Autism Dogs?" I asked him unsure that I wanted to know the answer.

"The Autism Dogs," he said, sizing me up. "These hounds race across the plains with the fury of Hades. Their trampling paws raising up dust which had settled in forgotten deserts during the times of our forefathers. These wiry beasts, they spread Autism by biting it into people."

"What?" I asked, rubbing my ears. Then I rubbed the man's ears.

"They bite the neurological disorder into you," he repeated.

"That's impossible and stupid. You've just wasted my time with your nonsense." I told him.

"I'm lonely." he said.

State of Depression

States, the geographical regions, can be sad sometimes. A recent study by Mental Health America lists the most depressed places in the country. They based their findings on depression and suicide rates.

Utah was the most depressed state. First of all, their best lake is full of salt. That would bum me out. Secondly, most of the state is either desert or mountain.

Thirdly, Let me tell you something:

I have driven through Utah on several occasions. There are roads in Utah that do not get fixed. They just put up a sign that says ROAD BROKEN. When you hit that patch of busted road and your car takes flight, like Steve McQueen in Bullitt. In the few seconds of Jordanian hangtime as your car rapidly hurtles towards the desolate American desert, an overwhelming feeling of doom overtakes you. That feeling will never quite go away.

West Virginia ranked second because it's always in Regular Virginia's shadow.

Kentucky placed third, but for Kentucky, that is an improvement.

That happiest states are South Dakota, Hawaii, New Jersey and Iowa.

Researchers believe that lower depression rates are caused by easier access to mental health services. There are like five people in South Dakota and two of those people are psychiatrists who are married with three kids.

But in places like New Jersey where happiness doesn't seem like it could flourish. It does. Or rather, there is enough depression in New Jersey that more psychiatrists had to be shipped in to counteract all that depression, causing an influx of happy psychiatrists who increase the happiness rate and spoil the result of the study.

But seriously, according to this study, the more social workers and psychiatrists there are the happier the citizenry is. If a citizen is depressed, the citizen needs to know that he or she can see a psychiatrist and the result will be beneficial, even though, psychiatry technically is a soft science, unprovable with math.

Depression is no laughing matter, no matter where you live. To find local medical services in your state, click here.

Thanksgiving is Stress-Increasing

Some Minneapolitan scientists, who are mostly likely at odds with their parents, have released a study on the stressfulness of Thanksgiving. It is, apparently, very stressful.

Kids coming home from college often clash with their progenitors. The struggle may be the age-old Freudian Oedipal/Elektra complex where the child will compete with their same-sex parent for the love of their opposite-sex parent.  Or it could be the Norman Rockwellian version of perfection that the family feels it needs to achieve that causes all that angst. There is also an epic battle of the wills between the neophyte adults and the geriatrically-teetering parents.

"Judith thought it would be a good idea to get a nose ring the same year Pastor Louis came down from Little Falls. She's such an attractive girl. Why would she do that to her face?" Said one mother. "I could scarcely finish my oyster stew."

According to experts, the best way to avoid the familial struggle without avoiding the family is to have a frank and open discussion about what is expected from both parties prior to the gathering of relations. As with any relationship, communication is the key.  Remember that and Kin-related stress can be a thing of the past.

Stress is a condition that is usually treated by a Psychiatrist. It can lead to a wide-variety of health problems:

• Headache
• High-Blood Pressure
• Sleep Disorders
• Hatred of Mondays
• Weight Gain
• Skin Problems
• Depression
• Anger
• Etc. Ad Nauseum

If the source of stress is unidentifiable, a medical doctor should be consulted. A physical problem may be to blame. Consult an Internist or Family Physician.

To find nearby medical services, click here.

The Oglers!

Recently, science has proven that is acceptable for men to ogle women. Science says that women should go easy on Science if she catches Science ogling some girl at the Santa Monica Pier. Science claims that it was only woolgathering. Science promises to take out the trash after it gets home from work.

According to the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, it is an inevitability that men will have their eyes caught by a pretty face. It is just as inevitable that women will focus on a hunky guy. If men paid more attention to their girlfriends, maybe they would have noticed.

These Ogleologists found that people's eyes were drawn to attractive members of the opposite sex. It's how the species propagated in the early days before Match.com. The researchers also pointed out that the wandering-eye behavior can be trained away.

"Human civilization wasn't built on being respectful and nice," said a researcher. "It was built by jerks who took whatever they wanted when they wanted it. Those jerks were the strongest, claimed to have the support of a moon deity and had the most children and followers. Luckily, modern man has moved past that, but those traits our still within our DNA."

Science has concluded that it is acceptable to look. People need to be discreet about it. Don't hurt feelings. Don't be creepy. Wear sunglasses often.

Morality still dictates that is not acceptable to cheat. Being a part of a relationship is like being a member of a society. You have a social contract. If the agreement is monogamy, then that should be the rule of the land. If a member of the relationship commits adultery, then that person should be impeached. If a person is in a weird sex-cult, would that person please email me with more information?

If you have a wandering eye, you may want to see an Ophthalmologist. For relationship  problems, talk to a Psychiatrist. To find local medical services click, here.  

Daylight Losings Time

Daylight savings time may be hazardous to our health. According to a new study, it disrupts our natural adaption to the seasons.  The bi-yearly revision to our measurement of time might have lasting and negative repercussions.

Daylight savings time was invented by noted philanderer Benjamin "It's All About The Me's" Franklin. He invented the system so he could spend more time with his mistresses. Besides adultery, Franklin was also known for inventing some things, writing a grip and founding a nation.

Apparently, daylight savings time has always been controversial. My grandfather doesn't use it. He swears that it only exists so city folks have extra daylight to spend more money. "Fie on the Industrial Revolution," he should add.

The website Standardtime.com has a litany of DST evils. They have a gift shop, too. There is a little mug that says, "Spring ahead. Fall Back. What a Waste!" My favorite bit of the website is this header: How you can help stop this madness of changing the time twice a year.

Personally, I don't care either way about DST. I don't have the time.

If your sleep is troubled my daylight savings time, see a sleep specialist. If maddened by changing the time twice a year, talk to a psychiatrist.

Take some time (standard or not) to find a doc, here.

Video Games: The Noisy, Flashy Killer

The United States Congress will have you believe that video games such as Grand Theft Auto may lead players astray. After enjoying the simulated violence, the players may decide to try real violence or ultra-violence.  There seems to be very little hard evidence to support this. There seems to be a whole lot of circumstantial evidence, just tons, really.

There has also been self-inflicted violence caused by video games.

A South Korean man dropped dead from exhaustion in an internet cafe after playing Starcraft for over fifty hours.

"It was like his body ran out of Vespene Gas," said a nearby Starcraft player.

What about the Wisconsin man who may have shot himself because of the massive multiplayer online roleplaying game Everquest?

In reality, a place where no politician can safely exist for extended periods of time, the video game is completely harmless.

If you are a great Starcraft player in South Korea, it is like being Michael Jordan in the United States. So that guy's dedication to video games was a culturally acceptable one. He was obviously playing irresponsibly, though.

That Wisconsin kid who shot himself had a history of mental illness. The video game probably acted as a catalyst. That goes for all those people who murder and blame it on video games. They were already screwed up. The video game was just a timely thing to blame. I mean, if your going to murder, you might as well shirk responsibility for you actions while you're at it.

If a person experiences video game addiction, which scientists believe is similar to gambling addiction. They should see an Addiction Specialist or a Psychiatrist.  To challenge a doctor to a game of Operation, click here.