JOSH'S CONDITIONS & TREATMENTS BLOG

Hookahs are Unhealthy, Really.

Hookahs, found mainly in the eastern hemisphere and college dorms, are under scrutiny. Some people smoke tobacco out of hookahs, thinking that it is a safe alternative to smoking cigarettes. Guess what, those people were wrong and probably pretentious to boot.

I can imagine them now with their big pouches of foreign-borne tobacco. They gingerly load their hookah, taking the time to explain the proper loading procedures, the flavors of tobacco and future hookah-related purchases. They dress like professors and have leather patches on their sleeves, but their hair is in a ponytail, because they have an edge. An edge, I tell you.

In my humble opinion, you'd having to be smoking illegal narcotics out of a hookah to think that smoking tobacco in any way, shape or form is safe. That's people for you. Always holding out hope, even if it is for something really stupid.

Well, some researchers actually tested the effects of hookah smoking on college-aged hookah users, probably just to get pretentious hookah fans to shut up, because it's pretty obvious at this day and age that smoking is bad, but those elitist hookahites probably wouldn't shut up.

Really, what happened was that these goofballs with their flapping lips full of flapdoodle made scientists waste time and energy just to get them to change the subject and talk about something interesting, but oh noes! They have started talking about lame conspiracy theories. Thanks scientists, thanks.

Here's the scoop on water pipes:
They bad.

They produce 36 times more lung tar. There was more carbon monoxide exhaled per breath, and long-term use will probably give you cancer.

If you've been sweet-talked by tobacco snobs into smoking out of hookah, you can see a pulmonologist to help you get your lungs straight. All other doctors can be found at this link.

Smoke'em Out!

A new device, created to torment smokers, has been invented. The mechanism measures the amount of carbon monoxide in the blood by passing light waves into the skin. Its inventor, one Dr. Sridhar Reddy, says the device can be used to ferret out smokers.

Smokers, known for their ability to tolerate cigarettes, can usually be detected by subtle markings:

• Rolled up sleeve with box in it
• Discolored jean pocket
• Yellowed fingertips
• Taste like ashtray
• Piles of unspent Camel cash near nightstand
• Obvious glower of disdain

This device is supposed to help doctors tell if patients are sneaking smokes when they are forbidden to. It is also meant to educate. You can tell a man that he has too much monoxide in his blood, and he might be surprised and quit.

Here is an artist's rendering of what might happen:

"You have all that monoxide in your blood," says a doctor.
"No way," says a patient. "You can't know that about me!"
"Yes way. I have a device invented by Dr. Reddy. It tells me that your blood is filled with bad news, sailor."
"I'm a carpenter now, but that's beside the point. I don't want all that bad news in my veins. I want only good things like licorice and thoughts of puppy dogs in my veins."
"Licorice in your veins could prove fatal. We talked about this last visit."
"I know that. I wrote that down. Don't patronize me."
"Look," says doctor. "Just quit smoking. That habit causes cancer and cancer can be fatal."
"I did quit," says patient.
"No. I ran that test. You're in big trouble, carpenter."
"OK. You are right."
"You see, I nag because I love."

The End.

Anyways, The device isn't perfect yet, but it does have 95% accuracy rate. If someone you love smokes, they should see a pulmonologist or an internist.  To find a doctor near you, click here.