JOSH'S CONDITIONS & TREATMENTS BLOG

Autism and Vaccines: The Link is Unlinkening

Autism rates have been increasing. Many people thought that mercury-based vaccination shots are to blame, but that argument has lost a leg.

The rise in autism had been blamed on thimerosal, a compound found inside vaccinations. Children would get vaccinated and it was believed that the shot's ingredients would cause autism.  Medical facilities stopped using thimerosal back in '04, but autism rates continue to rise.

Doctors are now looking for a genetic link in order to understand the causes of autism.

One in every 150 kids has autism. The doctors are unsure whether this is really a spike in autism cases or if autism is just easier to diagnosis in these modern times.

Autism is a Neurological Disorder. Symptoms of Autism include:

• Speech Problems
• Difficulty Relating to People
• Learning Problems

There is no cure for Autism, but it can be treated by a neurologist, pediatrician, a family physician or a  psychiatrist.  Find them here.

And now this:

"I was sure it was the Autism Dogs what spread autism," said a man near the railroad station.

"What are Autism Dogs?" I asked him unsure that I wanted to know the answer.

"The Autism Dogs," he said, sizing me up. "These hounds race across the plains with the fury of Hades. Their trampling paws raising up dust which had settled in forgotten deserts during the times of our forefathers. These wiry beasts, they spread Autism by biting it into people."

"What?" I asked, rubbing my ears. Then I rubbed the man's ears.

"They bite the neurological disorder into you," he repeated.

"That's impossible and stupid. You've just wasted my time with your nonsense." I told him.

"I'm lonely." he said.

In the Blunk of an Eye

Time, although relative to the observer, does not slow down when a person is in danger. It remains constant unless, of course, the danger has something to do with traveling at immense speeds. Even then, time would seem constant to those traveling at those great speeds.

Danger, however, is always filled with variables.

Neurologists, not physicists have discovered that time does not slow down when a person experiences danger.  When danger strikes as it does, time seems to slow down, but actually it doesn't.

"I still believe that time does slow down." said a guy on a street corner. "If you make a computer model of the Earth and then rotate it backwards, you will find that there is fifty-three seconds missing in 1998 and three minutes missing in 2005. In '93 I was attacked by some pumas for approximately 53 seconds. The experience seemed to take a fortnight. In '05, I was attacked by the children of the pumas that originally ravaged me. The attack, as far as I can tell, took eighteen months. I received an associate degree in  the University of Phoenix during that time."

In order to prove that time does not actually slow during times of great duress, Neurologists put Perceptual Chronometers on the the wrists of volunteers. Then they threw the volunteers head first into a net. The volunteers were told to watch the doohickeys on their arms. If time slowed down (or if the brain sped up) the volunteers should have been able to read the quickly-flashing numbers on their arms. The volunteers were not able to read those numbers. Still, the volunteers estimated that their plunges took 1/3 longer than it actually did.

The researchers believe that the brain creates more vivid memories during times of strife. The memories just take longer to remember. Doctors hope to use this research to treat schizophrenia and to cure hippies who are still stuck in the sixties.

To find local medical services, click here.

"Save it for Queen Dopplepopolis!"

In the New York Times, there is an article about a patient with a confounding disorder. The disorder is known as Capgras Delusion. People who suffer from this illness believe that their loved ones, most likely the spouse, are being replaced by nearly-identical replicas. Which, in a perfect world, would be great for spicing up the old marriage. Unfortunately, the experience is usually rather frightening for the sick person, and they may even begin to believe that inanimate objects and pets have been replaced.  Amazingly, even their own reflections are often believed to be impostors.

     Capgras Delusion is thought to be caused by a head trauma or lesions/tumors that break the connections between the facial-recognition area of the brain and the area associated with emotions. The syndrome often accompanies epilepsy, schizophrenia, strokes and malformed lobes.

  This seems like an off-the-wall disorder, absurd and unrelatable, but we all experience a little taste of Capgras Delusion when we have feelings of deja vu or jamais vu. 

Basically, the area of the brain where the idea of the yourself is stored becomes traumatized. You can no longer access your feelings and thoughts about yourself and your relationships to other people. So when you see your friend, your brain knows that he looks like friend but you are unable to access any sort of familiarity with that person. It's a complete breakdown of the "sense of self." 

It doesn't sound so absurd now.

There are treatments for this condition, both pharmaceutical and psychiatric. If someone you think you know suffers from Capgras Syndrome and needs to see an unreplacable doctor, click here.