JOSH'S CONDITIONS & TREATMENTS BLOG

Testosteriffic

Chest Hair, not wanting to cuddle, sweet-looking beards and the willingness to wrestle at the drop of a hat may be signs of a long life. Researchers in Britain may have found a link between high testosterone and longevity.

The manlinessest of men, those with the most testosterone, had a forty-percent less chance of dying from heart attack, stroke and other cardiovascular conditions. In comparison, men who sat around reading poetry and having platonic female friends were sixty percent more likely to die.

Men with low testosterone levels were also more likely to die from brokenheartedness and slender-bones disorder. Scientists are unwilling to use testosterone as treatment for cardiovascular diseases at this particular point in history because it may be a factor in prostate cancer.

"The oldest man alive communicates only through head-butting," said a scientist. "To receive his wisdom one must acknowledge that enlightenment is pain."

Testosterone is the manliest liquid in a man's body, except when gulpin' whiskey is present. Testosterone, the hormone, is directly related to cool things like sex drive, muscle mass, strength, throwing/running correctly and potency.

Scientists say that after they've done more research, those men with low testosterone levels may be able to take testosterone supplements to prevent heart disease and hypertension.

Until that day, there will still be a lot of rational men running around, making good decisions.

An Endocrinologist is a gland specialist. They know what the body's juices and greases do. To find a local doctor, click here.

Some Brackish News

The FDA may limit the amount of salt found in processed foods. Salt, once used as currency, is now a menace, aiding and abetting such ailments as high-blood pressure, strokes, kidney failure and heart disease.

According to a spokesperson from the AMA, "Reducing the amount of salt found in foods by one half can reduce lives lost in America by 150,000 per year."

Americans don't know that they are consuming so much salt. The salt usually sneaks its way into to our meals via prepackaging or at restaurants.

One researcher believes that people eat so much salt as a result of cellular memory. "You see, in the olden days, salt was worth a lot of money. People would sail around the Cape of Good Hope and back for some salt. Our ancestors passed that knowledge down, cellularly. This is why when you are at a fast-food restaurant, you will instinctually grab several salt packages instead of just taking one. Your ancestors make you. You are haunted."

Most people think that the above theory is stupid. I told that researcher so, to his face.

The food manufacturers claim that the food is too bland for market without all that salt.

A guy who works at national chain restaurant told me that if he doesn't use a certain amount of salt in the foods,  "guys" will show up in a black van without license plates. They all wear jumpsuits that have NaCl emblazoned on the chest. He said these men threatened him and his family.

Salt gets a bad rap. It is necessary to your survival. People can die from desalinization. (That was the word on my word-a-day calendar.) It should be used in moderation and can be found naturally in a lot of foods. In order to avoid high-blood pressure,  it is best to consult with your doctor to find out how much salt is right for you.

Symptoms of high-blood pressure include:

• Headache
• Dizziness
• Blurry Vision
• Nausea

To find medical services near you, click here.

Thanksgiving is Stress-Increasing

Some Minneapolitan scientists, who are mostly likely at odds with their parents, have released a study on the stressfulness of Thanksgiving. It is, apparently, very stressful.

Kids coming home from college often clash with their progenitors. The struggle may be the age-old Freudian Oedipal/Elektra complex where the child will compete with their same-sex parent for the love of their opposite-sex parent.  Or it could be the Norman Rockwellian version of perfection that the family feels it needs to achieve that causes all that angst. There is also an epic battle of the wills between the neophyte adults and the geriatrically-teetering parents.

"Judith thought it would be a good idea to get a nose ring the same year Pastor Louis came down from Little Falls. She's such an attractive girl. Why would she do that to her face?" Said one mother. "I could scarcely finish my oyster stew."

According to experts, the best way to avoid the familial struggle without avoiding the family is to have a frank and open discussion about what is expected from both parties prior to the gathering of relations. As with any relationship, communication is the key.  Remember that and Kin-related stress can be a thing of the past.

Stress is a condition that is usually treated by a Psychiatrist. It can lead to a wide-variety of health problems:

• Headache
• High-Blood Pressure
• Sleep Disorders
• Hatred of Mondays
• Weight Gain
• Skin Problems
• Depression
• Anger
• Etc. Ad Nauseum

If the source of stress is unidentifiable, a medical doctor should be consulted. A physical problem may be to blame. Consult an Internist or Family Physician.

To find nearby medical services, click here.

Extreme Blood Pressure

Energy drinks are not just for fans of the Insane Clown Posse anymore. Although, EXTREME!  They have found their way into the hands and gullets of middle America. Energy-drink Imbibers need to check themselves before they rickety-wreck themselves, hypertensionally.

A study at Wayne State found that drinking a couple cans of a popular energy drink can seriously affect the blood pressure. It could be dangerous if the drinks are consumed by someone who suffers from cardiovascular disease or hypertension.

The drinks contain taurine, an amino acid, that affects the heart and the blood pressure.

Many energy drinks are basically soda pop, filled with extra sugar, more caffeine and exotic-sounding ingredients. Even if the drinks say they are packed with vitamins, they usually aren't plentiful enough to matter.

People like to mix energy drinks with alcohol. Nothing is more fun than an energized and depressed drunk. I love to while away my nights on suicide watch. Thanks, Red Bull.

Who needs this much energy? Drink a cup of coffee. A new study shows that coffee has a lot of benefits, not to mention caffeine, or if you are a British or an old lady, have some green tea. I'm sure you'll be folding doilies well into the night.

If you suffer from Hypertension or Cardiovascular Disease, see a Cardiologist or Internist.  To find local medical services, click here.

Welcome To Sodium Town

Recently, registered dietitian Karen Collins wrote an article about the amount of sodium in boxed rice. She said that eating boxed rice is like being the mayor of Sodium Town during the annual Sodium Festival that is held in Sodium Fields near off-ramp six next to the abandoned sodium mill.

I might be super-phrasing a little.

Anyways and apparently, boxed rice, like the kind from San Francisco, has 1300 milligrams of sodium in it. That's over half the daily recommendation. This is a good deal if you're gunning for hypertension or stomach cancer.

Then the good dietitian tells us not to eat so much sodium and that most of the sodium is in that flavor packet. Which means flavor-packet stew might not be such a good idea. Poor college students need to be alerted to this ASAP.

Finally, the dietitian tells us to eat a bunch of fruit, herbs, parts of bush and a handful of tree bark, normal dietitian pap. What she doesn't tell us is how tasty sodium is and how eating it makes you look cool. 

This next bit is irrelevant:

"You should eat light from the sun."
"That's called photosynthesis."
" Seriously, try it."
"I can't. My cells don't have chlorophyll in them, because I am not a ficus."
"My bad."

Now back to semi-relevancy:

Sodium, like all things, should be enjoyed in moderation, and sodium should never be enjoyed alone as the element is a caustic poison that is explosive in water. You want to make sure that the sodium atom is bonded to another atom or molecule like chloride or hydrogen bicarbonate so it can form stable octet and become inert-ish like a noble gas.

An internist or a family physician can help you plan your sodium intake. To find a doctor near you, click here.

"If it is Hard, Give Up," say Scientists.

Scientists are laying down their Erlenmeyer flasks and their Bunsen burners and curling up in the fetal position today, after a recent study shows that quitting things that are hard might be good for you.

   One scientist, sucking his thumb while vigorously clutching a Batman blanket had this to say, "I've worked so hard at getting these grants and learning science and trying to better mankind. Now, it seems I've just been killing myself."

   "That's been the philosophy I've lived by my entire life," said a hippie who has spent the last two nights sleeping in the bus station. "Can I get a quarter for the phone?" he added.

  Enough joking.

  The tenacious seem to suffer more health problems from their never-say-die attitudes than the lackluster of spirit. Some of those health problems include, hypertension, indigestion and headaches. The bullheaded also seemed to die younger from heart attacks and diabetes.

  It sounds like it might be better to quit if something is hard. Why doesn't science just prove that we don't have souls and there is no point to life and everything we do is a mocking absurdity?

  The flaw in this study, in my very humble opinion, is that it equated re-framing with quitting. 

For example: If a person wanted to invent a flying machine, he might create a giant harness and attach to wings to it. Obviously, that contraption doesn't work. We've all seen that stock footage. The stubborn might keep trying it, injuring themselves over and over which is, after all, a health risk. A re-framer would fall once, maybe twice (if he thought the first time was a fluke) and redesign the device, but he's not really giving up; is he? 

So is this study studying tenacity or stubbornness? Would you give up your dreams for less stress in your life?  Would Van Gogh's life of been better having known this information? The world might be worse off.

Also,  as an addition to this blog, the original story on this in Newsweek Health used this as an example for determination: "Like an infertile couple (trying to) conceiving a child"

That, to me, doesn't seem like quite the arduous task. In fact, the act of child conception is one of this biggest stress relievers known to man. It's even more widely used than that little novelty doll that is supposed to look like your boss and relieve stress when you squeeze it.

To find a doctor who chased after his or her own dreams, click here. 

Only the Lonely and/or the Good Die Young

More bad news for the socially awkward, a recent study revealed that lonely people are more likely to become ill and die young. Apparently, the lonely didn't have it bad enough with just being lonely. Also, this puts many cats at risk.

     There are two schools of thought on why these quiet people shuffle off their mostly-unnoticed mortal coil before the rest of us. Some scientists argue that lack of social support is the culprit. For example, the Lonelian ( a lonely person) is unable to get a ride to the doctor when he or she is sick. The Lonelian cannot take days off of work, because money is needed and there is no one to loan the Lonelian money.

    The other theory states that something happens to the physiology of the lonely person. This new study shows that lonely people actually have a genetic pattern, predisposing them to loneliness and sickness.

Mostly, the lonely suffer from high-blood pressure, weak immune systems, impaired sleep and depression. Believe it or not, depressed, lonely people are also more prone to suicide.

It is not known whether genetic disposition causes loneliness which causes illness or if genetic disposition causes illnesses which cause loneliness.

There is good news. Loneliness has a cure. Joining a social club or a church, taking on a roommate or joining a dating service are all viable solutions.  Maybe, as a group effort, all of us could keep an eye out for people who look lonely and invite them over for tea and a card game.

If you want to find someone to talk to, click here.